April Fool's Day.

What a day.  It was a day that was full of the highs and lows that makes days the hidden breath that they are.  We rarely see all the things that are going on inside of each day to have a clue as to what it all means.  What comes through our ears and what passes before our eyes are merely glimpses, flashes of the bigger picture.  It's very important, I believe, to not put a whole lot of stock in those flashes. Not too much because they will deceive you.  They will.  We cannot see everything.  You are never going to be able to take in all of the information and make a truly rational decision.  That would imply that somehow you could control every detail of your life.  Give it up.  You cannot put your life into a formula.  You have to take some risks. Big, messy risks.  No life is worth living, no love is worth having that is not messy.  Perfection is fool's gold.  It will tarnish and you'll never know if there were diamonds if you had just chanced a little bit more. 

Today was April Fool's Day.  It's over now by about a minute.  No one played any pranks on me.  No one told me that I hit the lottery and no beautiful woman told me that she was in love with me.  There were no lies at all, but I still felt like a fool.  It came in one of those moments where you pick up that little piece of gossip off the wire about someone you didn't want to hear about.  You know what I'm talking about.  You know when someone says a name and you think "No.  Not today."  But it did happen and it went by and stole a bit of my joy like a thief in the night.  And it just made me feel foolish.  I felt foolish when I dripped that bit of raspberry vinaigrette on my white shirt.  Feeling foolish is not one of those emotions that can be pinned down into a single holiday.  It is a feeling that sweeps in and out of the dusty corners of your mind, reminding you of things that you were afraid of. 

I hope you don't think I'm writing with the purpose of taking you anywhere.  I'm just writing.  If you want to keep reading, then by all means. 

We caught eyes for a moment tonight.  Just for a brief second.  The brown burst into green the same way that it always does, but we held it for just a moment, just a thought, just a gasp of a prayer and then I moved on. I had to keep moving, you know.  I think we said a lot in that moment, but the translation was lost when it got to my ears.  I hope you heard grace and love, love, love when you took that brief glance.  When I left, you might not have given it another thought.  All you could have been saying in that look was "go away."  Nevertheless, I say grace and love, love, love. 

As for tomorrow, I'll run and stroll and fall and crawl and weep in the way that I always do. I'll overcome.  I'll carry on. I'll hope for brighter skies in the way that I have come to dream.  

Above all else, I will hope for the grace and the love, love, love that I pray that I gave to the brown bursting into green.  

Jason Tatum.