love is different....

That is the title from a Caedmon's song from a few years ago, an intriguing tune that always makes me wonder, "Is love, in fact, actually different than we think?"  

I have gone through varying brands of love in my life. So many versions of what I thought that word actually means.  There were times that I thought I loved, and then I would find myself manipulating them.  Other times I would say that I loved helping someone, or a group of people, or an individual person, but I would deny them my love by denying them my time.  For me, quality time is my greatest demonstration of love.  For you, it may be something different.  I'm talking about romantic love, love for humanity, love for the poor, love for books, love for God, I don't care what it is.  For me to love, it means that I want to spend time.  Good, long, quality time.  

But it goes higher than that.  Or deeper.  Or "further up and further in". How is that?  Well here is the thing, at some point in any kind of relationship (I mean this in all senses of the word) then you will undoubtably face doubt.  You will question the worthiness of that love.  You will be tired.  You will have a conflict.  That woman will flirt with another man.  What will happen is that you will begin to question your commitment to all of this.  You will begin to wonder if any of this is worth the sacrifice.  It almost always, in all forms, involves disappointment, heartache, a sickness in your stomach.  You will feel the pain. Do you know what Leonard Cohen said about that?  He said "I've seen your blood on the marble arch/Love is not a victory march/Its a cold and its a broken 'Hallelujah'".  

This sounds ridiculous, but I'm more and more convinced that it is true.  I hate to get too preachy here, but no matter what you believe, you have to look at Jesus when you consider a thing like love.  Here is this guy who has all the power, all the authority in all of everything.  I know that you may doubt that, but I ask you to put that paradigm aside for just a moment and consider the story.  All of that power, all of that influence, and this guy starts off as a baby.  Completely dependent on Humanity to keep him alive. 

Here is this guy with his dirty feet and his knack for wood working and his big dreams and vast mind and endless compassion and he decides that the best way for him to get people to understand that he loves them, that he truly, earnestly, desperately loves them is that he will, first, not be powerful.  I know that he did miracles.  They were some pretty cool tricks and all but they weren't that amazing.  Not when they are compared to the stories of magic and wonder in other religious texts.  Thats not the point. These miracles were not meant to offer us a mystifying magic show.  If that were the case, he could have done a lot better.  Jesus, it seems, does not get too excited about smoke and mirrors.  The point is that these miracles point to something bigger.  Its a grander notion, its a higher frequency.  Its that he loves us. Its that he wants us to get well.  Then, he goes around talking about the "Kingdom of God."  He says that its "at hand".  Well naturally, we're going to be curious.  And Jesus wants us to believe so you would think that he would lay all of this out pretty straight forwardly, correct?  Not at all.  You ask the guy what this Kingdom of Heaven is like and he starts telling you that its like a mustard seed or a lamp or a coin.  Why would he be so guarded about something if he definitely wanted us to understand it, find it, enjoy it?  

Well I think that its this: that he could have forced it all down our throats.  He could have given us logic and miracles and wonders that would have changed humanity in an instance.  We would have all fallen down to worship him in a moment.  But that is not love.  Love is different than that.  Love, true love, takes on the nature of a servant.  It manifests itself by lowering itself, by sacrificing. Love will allow for personal suffering, for heartache, because love knows that you can't be afraid of the pain. As The Alchemist says, "The fear of suffering is greater than the actual suffering."  

When you love someone, or something, or whatever, then you will suffer for them.  You crawl weeping and broken for their sake, for their happiness, for their good and their joy.  You will begin to assess those relationships, and you will realize that you would take on their pain.  That you would take their sicknesses, their cancers, their death.  You would take a bullet.  

Love is different than the movies. Its different than a song.  Its not a funny feeling in your stomach.  

Its a cold and a broken crawl.  And that is what makes it beautiful.  That is what makes this all worth while.  Because every cliche that we have ever come up with comes back to this idea that anything worth having is worth fighting for.  Not with force, mind you, but with sacrifice.  With humility.  Its poor, mournful, meek, hungry, thirsty, merciful, pure, peaceful.  Do you get it? 

You will. You'll have that chance.  That crossroads-with someone, somewhere.  And you can decide.  Do you quit?  Do you go for the safe bet?  Do you take the valley with the safe and well traveled road or do you take the high pass? That rocky and dangerous way that is so risky, but the view, the experience will change you to your core? 

Thats the difference.  You can love and it may kill you.  But that is what makes this life "to the full." Thats what makes love different.